The former prime minister’s punt on the EU referendum didn’t work out as he’d planned. Is he now self-shaming with his hair?
Name: David Cameron’s haircut.
Age: About a month.
Appearance: Short, neat, chastened.
About calling the 2016 referendum? What else?
He’s saying sorry with his hair? People are desperate for him to say sorry with something, and last week he was pictured jogging, with hair much shorter than he has had before, cropped close on the back and the sides.
Oh, so it’s an act of public self-shaming? Like that Japanese pop star a few years ago, who shaved her head to say sorry for staying at her boyfriend’s flat? Minami Minegishi? No, perhaps not quite that severe. Apparently, Cameron got a short back and sides while on holiday in Costa Rica, then had it tidied up by his usual hairdresser back in London.
Who’s that? A celebrity stylist called Lino Carbosiero. You may remember that he sensationally changed the position of Cameron’s parting back in 2010.
Ah, yes. That was such sweet sorrow. Carbosiero has also cut the hair of Madonna, Kylie Minogue and Paul McCartney. A basic cut from him at the Daniel Galvin salon in Marylebone costs £50.
And are we sure that Cameron should be sorry? Yes. A referendum that he said would “settle” the European question has made it much more divisive and damaging because the question was so vague that it’s impossible to agree what “implementing” the decision means. Not even leavers think they’re getting what they want.
It was kind of irresponsible, in retrospect. Oh, it was just a breezy gamble that he assumed would work out OK. Things generally do work out OK when you’re a millionaire who is married to an aristocrat.
What makes you think that his hairstyle should reflect his attitude to politics? “He doesn’t put much thought into it,” Carbosiero told the Times.
OK. So, to recap, Cameron’s incompetence and casualness caused Britain’s greatest political crisis of modern times, and now he’s showing he’s sorry by having a holiday and an expensive haircut? That’s right. Perhaps he could get even sorrier, now I think about it.
Has he tried saying sorry with words? No. He says he doesn’t regret calling the referendum because he promised that he would – then conveniently says nothing about whether he regrets making the promise.
And does he think things have gone well since he ran away? No. He regrets the way things have gone, but adds: “I don’t think it’s going to be helped by me giving a running commentary.”
Pity. Luckily, Carbosiero will do the commentating for us. “Hairdressers could have done a better job,” says Carbosiero.
Do say: “Come back when it’s a hair shirt.”
Don’t say: “Let’s spend the £350m we send to Brussels every week on locking Cameron in the stocks.”